السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
What does it really mean when people cite "cultural" differences for reasons why two Muslims should not get married?
This phrase gets bandied about quite a bit. I have heard it in my community and online a lot and while it seems pretty unassuming on the face of it, I feel like there is a much deeper meaning.
These are the things I hear when people say cultural differences are the reason a convert from the west should not marry into another culture (since this of course is most applicable to my situation, lol)
1. "She is not our (insert ethnicity here)" > Like when I hear people say "Pakistanis are for Pakistanis, Arabs are for Arabs" etc. or things like "If you dilute the gene-pool, we will lose the physical characteristics that make us *this ethinicity*" (yes I have actually heard that) "Kids will make fun of your children because they look different"
2. "Oh she is from (insert western country here) so she would not be willing to live in our home country" > How totally unfair to make this judgment on every Muslim woman from the west... There are a lot of us who would TOTALLY like to get out of here. Do you think it is comfortable to be asked where you are from when you have lived in the same town your whole life?!?!?
3. "she is a convert, so she may not be able to teach your children everything they need to know" > This can happen in the case of a convert or a born Muslim woman. I know convert women who, mashaAllah, have raised incredibly knowledgeable children.
4. "She will make you choose between us and her." >Ridiculous. Us convert women just want to be part of a Muslim family. khalas, thats all!!!!
5. "We will lose our cultural heritage, your children wont be real (insert nationality here)" > Uh... nope again. Just because a child knows a part of another culture does not mean they will know nothing of their father's culture. Oh and P.S. Nationalism is a characteristic of the Time of Ignorance before Islam, so maybe we should cut that stuff real quick.
There are more but I feel like I am really just ranting now...
This topic really confuses and hurts me a lot, because my prospects for marriage one day are going to be slim to none if this "cultural" idea is in everyone's heads.
Honestly people, our culture is ISLAM. If we don't see eye to eye, ISLAM has a solution, subhanAllah. Are you afraid to let go of your cultural Islam? That us convert women will rebel against the stuff that others have tacked on to Allah's beautiful religion? Maybe all you need is some fresh blood. Allahu alem.
What do you guys think? About inter-racial/cultural couples, about "cultural problems" about anything?
I'm really interested to hear what you have to say :-)
Also if I went too far let me know. I am aware that there are historically problems in inter-cultural couples, but I think that with firm intention and attention to the sunnah, most of that can be worked out. Islam is comprehensive.