Followers

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Marriage

Salam!

Bismillah

I'm pretty sure that my parents are counting on my religious conversion as a "phase" of my life, maybe just a "fad" or something.

They treat it as temporary which means a lot of time they don't treat it with respect.

The other day my mom was asking me "How are you going to get married?" "Who are you going to marry?" etc.

I explained to her that inshaAllah Allah will provide from where he wants and I will be patient. I don't have a muslim family looking out for the right husband for me. If my dad and brother were to pick a husband for me, he would be an American Baptist dude.

I explained that I will marry a muslim man. InshaAllah one who fears Allah and will treat me with respect and eventually love will grow.

Mom doesn't understand why I can't go out and find my own husband. She thinks I should fall in love with a man I've dated and then get married, like everyone else.

But what happens if that passion fades? What values will we have in common? What will decide between us if we have an argument on how we should direct our lives?

In Islam, these questions are answered for us, alhamdulillah. My marriage inshaAllah will have passion, but it wont be the foundation. Islam will be our foundation.

How do I make them understand? Is it just a matter of time?

11 comments:

Safyiah said...

salamo aleikom wr wb

i know the "phase" thing. they are just in a "phase" of denial. with time they'll see it's not a "phase" and that you're serious about being a Muslim until you die, inshaAllah. i think when you start treating about the marriage one day they may wake up, if not sooner than that. my parents woke up after i stood some months wearing hijab but they woke up in a wrong way. they decided to take Islam from me by force, planning to send me to a hospital for crazy people. anyway, Allahu Akbar.

inshaAllah, nothing bad will happen to you. just trust in Allah and everything will be ok. Allah should be always first in anything you do or say.

Hugs,
Salam

InkBlotsBlueAbayas said...

Dating isn't always the best way to find a spouse anyway. I always tell my friends you are very unlikely to find your future husband in a bar. Most successful marriages come out of working relationships and friendships. Friendship then romance. If you are friends first you learn about each other without all the romance roadblocks. Good way to know if you would survive if the passion fades. Because it will, a little bit. Always does.

And its not like there is only one way to find a husband in Islam. Your Muslim girlfriends will be able to help you find someone. Or you may meet someone on your own as Muhammad did.

Praying for things to be well for you.

heart/and/soul said...

When you're patient, Allah rewards you with a nice surprise. :)

Isn't it exciting? Just wait inshaAllah. =D

The Splendid Sky said...

Salaaaam alaikum!! :)
First things first. *Hugggsssss*

About parents, mostly it's just a matter of time..but it really depends what sort of exposure the parents have of Islam in that "time"

Always make them know that Islam is a completely normal religion (ofcourse it's much more than that, but they shld first know it's normal. LOL)
Inshallah after they know that, try to make them know of the Beauty of Islam.. Ahhh..think of ALLL the surpassing Beauty of our Religion! And try bit by bit to expose them to that Beauty..

When they'll also learn of the pious muslim men around..Inshallah they'll approve of one when you find him :)

I mean think about it, Inshallah when they know a pious muslim man who doesn't drink, doesn't do random "mingling", respects parents, MEETS parents, respects women..etc etc, Inshallah they'll love this man!! Inshallah!

Perhaps I'm too optimistic! Still, not that it *can't* happen!

Lastly, always ALWAYS ask Allah to help you.
It is easy for Allah while we think it difficult :)

Mustika Sari Sayuti said...

Assalamualaikum wr wb.
Yes, I do agree with all the comments above...
inshaAllah Allah will send you the right man in the right time...there are so many ways..maybe even you don't recognize.
it's like what you've said,, it is just a matter of time... when he already comes then your family will understand about what you believe now..

I pray for you Sister :)
Wassalam.

Jaz said...

They'll learn soon enough :)
But remember that an arranged marriage isn't the only way to go either, Islam wasn't made so hard for us.

Wafa' said...

all i know is that it's typical for them to think that you are in a phase, they love you and all they know is probably that this is an evil religion. and you are daughter. But i am sure with your wisedom and patience things will be different and they will know more about it and love the way you are in :)

Candice said...

I think that it will take until you have a husband and they see that the relationship is good and normal before they can accept the idea that a marriage based on religion is not a bad thing!

nosa said...

this is how parents r .. the same happened with my dad when he changed religion sectors..

anyways.. im soo glad u actually spilled that out load.. coz sadly in the muslim arab world every1 is out to fall in love n get married.. they dont really care about velues and beleives anymore... its more of like trying to be cool.. n its just stupid..

ok find a guy,, but u dont have to date n all.. just know him in general then when u get engaged n married here will all the foundation be relised all the experimenting start.. coz its done with respect and with Allah help as in praying estekhara..

be pacient.. inshalah he'll come when u least expect it

Peanutts said...

Salaams, I have no answer to your question although i have to agree with the others that to keep your faith in Allah as He will always show you the way .

NeverEver said...

Safyiah: wa alaikum as-salam wr wb, inshaAllah all of this "phase business will be taken care of in time

IBBA: I think it will be an interesting story when I find the right guy. Lol, i just don't see the situation following any normal channels

heart/and/soul: lol very exciting!! :-D

splendid: Thanks for the advice ya ukhti :-) I try to show the good of Islam always, but my parents get hung up on stuff they think isn't "normal" lol. Like no dating? No loans? No scholarships funded by lotteries?

Mustika: Thank you for your prayers and support! :-) wa alaikum as-salam wr wb

Jaz: Thanks for the reminder :-) I keep staring at the front door forgetting that there are windows too :-P

Wafa': aww thanks dear, inshaAllah i hope you are right :-D

Candice: you may be 100% right, in which case I will just have to continue to be patient. at least they are starting to feel more comfortable with it alhamdulillah.

nosa: Thanks for you comment. I actually felt a lot more relaxed after i read that alhamdulillah :-) sometimes being around my family makes me think that I am thinking a little crazy, but it is really good to hear confirmation that I'm not :-P

Peanutts: Thanks, you can never have too many reminders to put your trust in Allah, jazakillah khair!

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