Thursday, December 31, 2009
Oh Allah, I have no money, but I have You. I am rich.
Oh Allah, I have no freedom, but I believe in you. I am free.
Oh Allah, I have no patience, but I read Your Quran. I am calm.
Oh Allah, I get no respect, but You listen to my dua’a. I am proud.
Oh Allah, I have no time, but I think of Jannah (Heaven.) I have forever.
Oh Allah, I have much time, but I look at Your Signs. I have today.
Oh Allah, I feel so weak, but I fast Ramadan. I am strong.
Oh Allah, I feel so tired, but I make dua’a. I open my eyes.
Oh Allah, I feel so dirty, but I repent to You. I am cleansed.
Oh Allah, I feel so depressed, but I remember you. I am at peace.
Oh Allah, I feel so lost, but I follow Your Commands. I am safe.
Oh Allah, nobody listens, but You never turn your back on me. I am grateful.
Oh Allah, my heart breaks, but I imagine meeting You. My heart finds rest.
Oh Allah, I cry every night, but I make wudu. I wash away my tears.
Oh Allah, I feel so alone, but I pray to You. I have everything.
Oh Allah, I feel so dead, but I think about Hajj. My heart beats again.
Oh Allah, I don't want this life, and I will die for You, only to live forever.
All I have is Allah,
All I need is Allah
Monday, December 28, 2009
Uncle C. and Aunt E. are married. They live on a small farm outside of town and have a bunch of goats, chickens, ducks, geese, etc.
My uncle is retired from his work as an electrical repair dude and my Aunt E. works as a secretary I think at one of the doctor’s offices in town.
Aunt E. is a very quiet person and she made no comment on the way I dressed. I could tell she was surprised but didn’t feel as if it was her place to comment on the way that I dress.
Uncle C. didn’t recognize me, lol. When I turned around and gave him a big hug he was really surprised and then was like “oh I didn’t see you… I mean I didn’t know it was you… I mean I didn’t know you were coming” haha. Good save Uncle C… :-P
Neither of them made a big deal about the way I was dressed and treated me pretty much as usual.
PART V: UNCLE H. AND AUNT S.
Uncle H. and Aunt S. are also married. Uncle H. is my dad’s brother and Aunt S. is his second wife.
She didn’t say I word to me. I’m not even sure if she said hello, but I’m pretty sure that is how she usually treats me so no worries.
Uncle H. gave me a huge hug as per usual. I should also note that Uncle H. is the one that is most like my grandfather (who we called Papa) meaning he is the most awkward and most likely to say anything that comes to the top of his head, God bless him.
He said “NeverEver… how are you dressed??” I was going to answer, but of course he kept talking. “I don’t know what to call it… I don’t want to say it is Islamic… but what would you call it?” Of course he had to just awkwardly blurt that right out there, lol.
I looked up at him and said “Well Uncle H., I guess you could call it conservative.”
He said, “Conservative what?”
I said, “Conservative NeverEver.” Lol
That seemed to satisfy him, so then he asked me if it was because I knew some Amish people, HAHAHA. I told him that I did have a friend who was a Mennonite. He nodded his head and dropped the subject.
My family is so funny… LOL
Sunday, December 27, 2009
PART III: MY GRANDMA
Today's installment will be concerning my dad's mother. I call her Grandma and she is in her mid-eighties mashaAllah. She doesn't see very well, but she is still mashaAllah a very sharp lady. I love her to distraction. :-D
Her story goes over two days, so I will try to differentiate the conversations.
Day One: Yesterday
When I first came inside she just hugged me and told me how much she loved me and how glad she was that I was there. It had been a long time since I had been to see her, astaghfirullah.
Later in the day she looked at me and said "Well aren't you going to take off your coat and hat?" lol I told her no, I was very comfortable thank you, and that was that.
She didn't say anything about it for the rest of the day, probably due to the fact that she couldn't really see me so well.
Day Two: Today
Today, a few hours after I got to my grandmother's house, she looked at me again and said "NeverEver, can you explain to me your costume?" LOL!!! I could tell she was trying to be polite and just didn't know what to call the way I was dressing. I asked "My costume?!?" and laughed a little.
She said to me "Yes, I can tell it is something special, but I don't know why you wear it." MashaAllah I told you she was a sharp lady.
I wore a much brighter scarf today :-) It is plaid and made of the colors in the backgroud.
I told her that this is the way that I always dress, and how I am most comfortable dressing. I also told her that this was my way of telling the world that I respect myself and I expect them to do the same.
I assumed she had the same idea of those Bible verses as my Aunt, so I figured I would wait until I had my Bible and interpretation with me to approach the spiritual aspect of the way I dress. However, I believe that my social reasons for dressing as I do are very valid as well and she seemed to understand.
She nodded her head and once again that was that.
InshaAllah another update later!
I'm writing this post from a very small town in Arkansas where my extended family from my dad's side resides.
Today was the first day that this side of my family saw me in hijab and I wanted to let you all know how it went. InshaAllah this will take up a few posts, so I will just do a little at a time.
First I should say ALHAMDULILLAH nothing really bad happened. There were a few weird questions and looks, but otherwise everyone was no more awkward than we normally are, lol.
The purpose of this visit was Christmas, as you all know that my family is Christian through and through. My goal was to introduce my family to the changes in my life without spilling the beans that I'm Muslim, as my dad still doesn't know and I'm not so sure that my extended family wouldn't try to cut all ties with me if they found out.
PART I: AUNT K. AND COUSIN S.
Two of the first people I saw on entering the house were my Aunt K. and my Cousin S. They each gave me a hug and we exchanged normal pleasantries... "It's so good go see you", "Its been too long", "How has life been going" etc. My Aunt immediately asked me why I was dressed the way I was.
I guess I should explain how I was dressed for the occasion, lol. I was wearing a white strapless dress with a denim jacket and a dusky blue patterned scarf with my ugg boots. Come on you guys... there was snow on the ground... my toes were coooold.
I explained to her (Aunt K.) that in the New Testament it says that women should cover their heads specifically in prayer, but it also says that we should always be praying, so I feel justified in covering my head all of the time. She seemed a bit taken aback by the way that I dressed and she also thought I was mistaken on the meaning of these verses, so I told her that I would (inshaAllah) send her the verse numbers as well as common interpretations.
After this quick conversation with my aunt, I sat down on the couch with my mom and my Cousin S. My cousin looked at me and just said "you look beautiful." *blush* mashaAllah and Alhamdulillah it was a really nice thing for my cousin to say and I'm glad to know I have her acceptance, at least of the way I dress. Cousin S. talked to my mom a little bit more after that about why I wear it. My mom said that she witnessed with her own eyes the way men treated me in public and how much more respectful they are now, alhamdulillah. It was really great to my have my mommy there as usual :-D!!
That is all for now...
InshaAllah I will do some more posts about this soon!!!
*oooo the suspense!!!*
Saturday, December 26, 2009
I received an e-mail about practices of Ashura and I decided to look up some information about it to come to my own conclusion.
For Ashura inshaAllah I will fast either the 9th and 10th or the 10th and 11th, but I will not be mourning for anyone. My reasoning can be found below. Also, inshaAllah I will post the e-mail as well.
love you girls!
FASTING FOR ASHURA
Sahih Muslim Book 006, Number 2524:
Sahih Muslim Book 006, Number 2520:
Ibn Abbas was asked about observing of fast on the day of Ashura, whereupon he said: I do not know Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) singling out any day's fast and considering it more excellent than another, except this day (the day of Ashura) and this month, meaning the month of Ramadan.
Ibn'Abbas (Allah be pleased with both of them) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) arrived in Medina and found the Jews observing fast on the day of 'Ashura. The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said to them: What is the (significance) of this day that you observe fast on it? They said: It is the day of great (significance) when Allah delivered Moses and his people, and drowned the Pharaoh and his people, and Moses observed fast out of gratitude and we also observe it. Upon this the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: We have more right, and we have a closer connection with Moses than you have; so Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) observed fast (on the day of 'Ashura), and gave orders that it should be observed.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 93:
MOURNING FOR ASHURA
Narrated Abu Said:
I heard the Prophet saying, "Indeed, anyone who fasts for one day for Allah's Pleasure, Allah will keep his face away from the (Hell) fire for (a distance covered by a journey of) seventy years."
003:169 Do not think that those who are killed in the cause of GOD are dead; they are alive at their Lord, enjoying His provisions.
003:170 They are rejoicing in GOD's grace, and they have good news for their comrades who did not die with them, that they have nothing to fear, nor will they grieve.
Why should I grieve for someone who is rejoicing at being given provision by Allah subhana wa ta'ala?
Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 72:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet said, "Nobody who enters Paradise likes to go back to the world even if he got everything on the earth, except a Mujahid who wishes to return to the world so that he may be martyred ten times because of the dignity he receives (from Allah)."
Narrated Al-Mughira bin Shu'ba: Our Prophet told us about the message of our Lord that "Whoever amongst us is killed will go to Paradise." Umar asked the Prophet, "Is it not true that our men who are killed will go to Paradise and their's (i.e. those of the Pagan's) will go to the (Hell) fire?" The Prophet said, "Yes."
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 382:
the Prophet said, "He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and Traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us."
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 391:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar :
Sad bin 'Ubada became sick and the Prophet along with 'Abdur Rahman bin 'Auf, Sad bin Abi Waqqas and 'Abdullah bin Masud visited him to enquire about his health. When he came to him, he found him surrounded by his household and he asked, "Has he died?" They said, "No, O Allah's Apostle." The Prophet wept and when the people saw the weeping of Allah's Apostle (p.b.u.h) they all wept. He said, "Will you listen? Allah does not punish for shedding tears, nor for the grief of the heart but he punishes or bestows His Mercy because of this." He pointed to his tongue and added, "The deceased is punished for the wailing of his relatives over him." 'Umar used to beat with a stick and throw stones and put dust over the faces (of those who used to wail over the dead).
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 392:
WORSHIPING AT GRAVES
When the news of the martyrdom of Zaid bin Haritha, Ja'far and 'Abdullah bin Rawaha came, the Prophet sat down looking sad, and I was looking through the chink of the door. A man came and said, "O Allah's Apostle! The women of Ja'far," and then he mentioned their crying . The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered h im to stop them from crying. The man went and came back and said, "I tried to stop them but they disobeyed." The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered him for the second time to forbid them. He went again and came back and said, "They did not listen to me, (or "us": the sub-narrator Muhammad bin Haushab is in doubt as to which is right). " ('Aisha added: The Prophet said, "Put dust in their mouths." I said (to that man), "May Allah stick your nose in the dust (i.e. humiliate you)." By Allah, you could not (stop the women from crying) to fulfill the order, besides you did not relieve Allah's Apostle from fatigue."
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 425:
When the Prophet became ill, some of his wives talked about a church which they had seen in Ethiopia and it was called Mariya. Um Salma and Um Habiba had been to Ethiopia, and both of them narrated its (the Church's) beauty and the pictures it contained. The Prophet raised his head and said, "Those are the people who, whenever a pious man dies amongst them, make a place of worship at his grave and then they make those pictures in it. Those are the worst creatures in the Sight of Allah."
Here is that e-mail that I received. If anyone knows any information pertaining to the subject that they would like to add, please do!!
> By Mufti Taqi Usmani
> Muharram is the month with which the Muslims begin their lunar Hijrah
> Calendar. It is one of the four sanctified months about which the Holy Quran
> says, "The number of the months according to Allah is twelve (mentioned) in
> the Book of Allah on the day He created heavens and the earth. Among these
> (twelve months) there are four sanctified."
> These four months, according to the authentic traditions, are Dhul-Qa'dah,
> Dhul-Hijjah, Muharram and Rajab. All the commentators of the Holy Quran are
> unanimous on this point, because the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa
> sallam, in his sermon on the occasion of his last Hajj, declared: "One year
> consists of twelve months, of which four are sanctified months, three of
> them are in sequence; Dhul-Qa'dah, Dhul-Hijjah, Muharram, and the fourth is
> The specific mention of these four months does not mean that any other month
> has no sanctity, because the month of Ramadan is admittedly the most
> sanctified month in the year. But these four months were specifically termed
> as sanctified months for the simple reason that their sanctity was accepted
> even by the pagans of Makkah.
> In fact, every month, out of the twelve, is originally equal to the other,
> and there is no inherent sanctity that may be attributed to one of them in
> comparison to the other months. When Allah Almighty chooses a particular
> time for His special blessings, the same acquires sanctity out of His grace.
> Thus, the sanctity of these four months was recognized right from the days
> of Sayyidina Ibrahim, alayhi salam. Since the Pagans of Makkah attributed
> themselves to Sayyidina Ibrahim, alayhi salam, they observed the sanctity of
> these four months and despite their frequent tribal battles, they held it
> unlawful to fight in these months.
> In the Shariah of our Noble Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, the
> sanctity of these months was upheld and the Holy Quran referred to them as
> the "sanctified months".
> Muharram has certain other characteristics special to it, which are
> specified below.
> Fasting During the Month
> The Noble Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, has said: 'The best fasts
> after the fasts of Ramadan are those of the month of Muharram."
> Although the fasts of the month of Muharram are not obligatory, yet one who
> fasts in these days out of his own will is entitled to a great reward by
> Allah Almighty. The Hadith cited above signifies that the fasts of the month
> of Muharram are most rewardable ones among the Nafl or voluntary fasts.
> The Hadith does not mean that the award promised for fasts of Muharram can
> be achieved only by fasting for the whole month. On the contrary, each fast
> during this month has merit. Therefore, one should avail of this opportunity
> as much as he can.
> Back to Top
> The Day of 'Ashurah'
> Although Muharram is a sanctified month as a whole, yet, the 10th day of
> Muharram is the most sacred among all its days. The day is named 'Ashurah'.
> According to the Holy Companion Ibn 'Abbas, Radi-Allahu anhu. The Holy
> Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, when migrated to Madinah, found that
> the Jews of Madinah used to fast on the 10th day of Muharram. They said that
> it was the day on which the Holy Prophet Musa (Moses), alayhis salam, and
> his followers crossed the Red Sea miraculously and the Pharaoh was drowned
> in its waters. On hearing this from the Jews, the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu
> alayhi wa sallam, said, "We are more closely rotated to Musa, alayhi salam,
> than you," and directed the Muslims to fast on the day of 'Ashura'. (Abu
> It is also reported in a number of authentic traditions that in the
> beginning, fasting on the day of 'Ashura' was obligatory for the Muslims. It
> was later that the fasts of Ramadan were made obligatory and the fast on the
> day of 'Ashura' was made optional. Sayyidina 'Aisha, Radi-Allahu anha, has
> "When the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, came to Madinah, he
> fasted on the day of 'Ashura' and directed the people to fast. But when the
> fasts of Ramadan were made obligatory, the obligation of fasting was
> confined to Ramadan and the obligatory nature of the fast of 'Ashura' was
> abandoned. Whoever so desires should fast on it and any other who so likes
> can avoid fasting on it." (Sunan Abu Dawud)
> However, the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, used to fast on the
> day of 'Ashura' even after the fasting in Ramadan was made obligatory.
> Abdullah ibn Musa, Radi-Allahu anhu, reports that the Holy Prophet,
> Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, preferred the fast of 'Ashura' on the fasts of
> other days and preferred the fasts of Ramadhaan on the fast of 'Ashura'.
> (Bukhari and Muslim)
> In short, it is established through a number of authentic ahadith that
> fasting on the day of 'Ashura' is Sunnah of the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu
> alayhi wa sallam, and makes one entitled to a great reward.
> According to another Hadith, it is more advisable that the fast of 'Ashura'
> should either be preceded or followed by another fast. It means that one
> should fast two days: the 9th and 10th of Muharram or the 10th and 11th. The
> reason of this additional fast as mentioned by the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu
> alayhi wa sallam, is that the Jews used to fast on the day of'Ashura alone,
> and the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, wanted to distinguish
> the Muslim way of fasting from that of Jews. Therefore, he advised the
> Muslims to add another fast to that of 'Ashura'.
> Some traditions signify another feature of the day of 'Ashura. According to
> these traditions, one should be more generous to his family by providing
> more food to them on this day as compared to other days. These traditions
> are not very authentic according to the science of Hadith. Yet, some
> Scholars like Baihaqi and Ibn Hibban have accepted them as reliable.
> What is mentioned above is all that is supported through authentic sources
> about Ashura.
> Back to Top
> Misconceptions and Baseless Traditions
> However, there are some legends and misconceptions with regard to 'Ashura'
> that have managed to find their way into the minds of the ignorant, but have
> no support of authentic Islamic sources, some very common of them are these:
> This is the day on which Adam, alayhi salam, was created. This is the day
> when Ibrahim, alayhi salam, was born. This is the day when Allah accepted
> the repentance of Sayyidina Adam, alayhi salam. This is the day when
> Qiyaamah (doomsday) will take place. Whoever takes bath on the day of
> 'Ashura' will never get ill.**
> All these and other similar whims and fancies are totally baseless and the
> traditions referred to in this respect are not worthy of any credit.
> Some people take it as Sunnah to prepare a particular type of meal on the
> day of 'Ashura'. This practice, too, has no basis in the authentic Islamic
> Some other people attribute the sanctity of 'Ashura' to the martyrdom of
> Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu, during his battle with the Syrian army.
> No doubt, the martyrdom of Sayyidina Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu, is one of the
> most tragic episodes of our history. Yet, the sanctity of 'Ashura' cannot be
> ascribed to this event for the simple reason that the sanctity of 'Ashura'
> was established during the days of the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa
> sallam, much earlier than the birth of Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu.
> On the contrary, it is one of the merits of Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu
> anhu, that his martyrdom took place on the day of 'Ashura'.
> Another misconception about the month of Muharram is that it is an evil or
> unlucky month, for Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu, was killed in it. It
> is for this misconception that people avoid holding marriage ceremonies in
> the month of Muharram. This is again a baseless concept, which is contrary
> to the express teachings of the Holy Quran and the Sunnah. If the death of
> an eminent person on a particular day renders that day unlucky for all times
> to come, one can hardly find a day of the year free from this bad luck
> because every day is associated with the demise of some eminent person. The
> Holy Quran and the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam,
> have liberated us from such superstitious beliefs.
> Back to Top
> Lamentations and Mourning
> Another wrong practice related to this month is to hold the lamentation and
> mouming ceremonies in the memory of martyrdom of Sayyidna Husain,
> Radi-Allahu anhu. As mentioned earlier, the event of Karbala is one of the
> most tragic events of our history, but the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi
> wa sallam, has forbidden us from holding the mourning ceremonies on the
> death of any person. The people of jahiliyyah (ignorance) used to mourn over
> their deceased through loud lamentations, by tearing their clothes and by
> beating their cheeks and chests. The Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa
> sallam, stopped the Muslims from doing all this and directed them to observe
> patience by saying "Innaa lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji'oon". A number of
> authentic Ahaadith are available on the subject. To quote only one of them:
> "He is not from our group who slaps his checks, tears his clothes and cries
> in the manner of the people of jahiliyyah." (Sahih Bukhari)
> All the authentic jurists are unanimous on the point that the mourning of
> this type is impermissible. Even Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu, shortly
> before his demise, had advised his beloved sister Sayyidah Zainab,
> Radi-Allahu anha, at not to mourn over his death in this manner. He said,
> "My dear sister! I swear upon you that in case I die you shall not tear your
> clothes, nor scratch your face, nor curse anyone for me or pray for your
> death." (Al-Kamil, ibn al-Athir vol. 4 pg. 24)
> It is evident from this advice of Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu, that
> this type of mourning is condemned even by the blessed person for the memory
> of whom these mourning ceremonies are held. Every Muslim should avoid this
> practice and abide by the teachings of the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi
> wa sallam, and his beloved grand child Sayyidna Husain, Radi-Allahu anhu.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Hey girls, just wanted to let you guys in on my current plans.
InshaAllah I will be going to visit my mom's family during this break and I was wondering, do any of you know good stores in Dallas where I can buy some hijabs/ abayaat?? :-D
Thanks a million!
Also I am in the process of working on a big long post now that inshaAllah will be done soon. It has taken a lot of research and reading as I don't want to be completely wrong or shell out incorrect information as that is haraaaaammmm.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
MashaAllah you are an inspiration. You say what you think and don't take crap from people. You try to better yourself and help better others while maintaining consideration for others' feelings.
You are hilarious and a caring mother.
You are a strong lady who has gone through a lot and it willing to let us learn from it.
You are a great role model and I feel lucky to e-know you :-D
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I was watching a video on Hijab Chic's blog and it got me thinking about jilbab and how an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. So True!!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
So and update for you all is in order.
1. EID MUBARAK!!!! :-D
2. FIIIIINALLY my brother knows that I converted. He totally cornered me about it, lol.
I went to visit my family over the break. I was bummed about missing the prayer and fasting and everything, but subhanAllah I wasn't able to fast or pray at that time, so it wasn't as big a deal and I didn't have to try to hide from anyone which was great! Alhamdulillah!
On the way there, my brother and I were talking in the car and he was talking and talking like usual and somehow we came upon the subject of drinking. He said that he knows Muslims that drink (astaghfirullah) and I got really upset and said "Well I'm not one of them!!!" and of course he picked up on it and said "oh, so you are Muslim now?" and I looked at him and said "yes I am." and that was that.
He said he pretty much knew before and everything because I've changed so much and he was actually really accepting. He said that if Christians practiced their faith like Muslims, that would be most ideal. I told him that becoming Muslim was the best thing I ever did as a Christian. I feel like I am FINALLLLYYYY following the teachings of Jesus (alayhi salam) and doing my best to be a good person in this world, alhamdulillah.
In the end, when we got out of the car, he gave me a big hug and kissed me on the forehead and said that we all have to take our own path. He wishes I was Christian, but recognizes that I am in Gods hands and alienating me is not going to "bring me back to the fold" so to speak. He promised that he would wait for me to be ready to talk to my dad about it, and I assume he and my mom will both be there with me when it happens, so inshaAllah everything will work out alright.
Please make du'a that my family accepts my conversion fully and that they come to see the beauty of Islam and the peace it brings to life!