Tuesday, November 10, 2009

An E-mail



I got another e-mail today from a sister at my masjid. She brought up such a good point and I felt like I should share her experience here.

assalamu alaykum sisters

I heard the most disturbing thing today and wanted to share it with you. I was in the Target changing room trying on clothes. Two women were conversing back and forth as they were trying on their clothes. This is how the conversation went:

"Do they(Target) have a separate changing room for the men?"
"Yes, they do."
"Can you believe they are still segregating men and women?"
"Yeah, I know. I guess some women still have insecurities"
"Oh wow! This shirt needs something under it."
"I guess you can wear something under it if you don't feel comfortable."

So, I know this conversation word for word because it was just amazing how these women thought about this issue. Basically, in order to be comfortable with yourself, it means to show your body. It means to discard any conservative outlook you have or any modesty; otherwise you are "insecure" about yourself. I wanted to tell these women that it wasn't insecurity. It was value.

I think from my experience... this is actually a pretty common mindset among people where I live.

Is this common around your area? Why are women letting society take away their value? What is the benefit they see? How do we help them?


.::Tuttie::. said...

it is a common and sad mindset. If they were to allow the men and the women to have the same changing room these same women will be screaming "sexual harassment!" at the top of thier longs.

They want to tempt the men and when the men react they say tsk tsk tsk. Granted a man shouldn't overstep his boundaries but that is one hell of a confusing message. I am so glad I am a woman or else I would be so frustrated and confused by all of this 'independent woman'

Jaz said...

I'm from Scotland and I've never heard something like that, so I'm surprised!

.::Tuttie::. said...

i meant lungs :)

NeverEver said...

Tuttie: I completely agree... It is really confusing! Like wearing a tight really low cut top then getting upset when people look. Where are they supposed to look?! Sometimes I can't not look and I'm a GIRL!

Jaz: yeah unfortunately it's true... I think Tuttie really hit the nail on the head with this one.

Jaz said...

I still don't think there's an excuse for Muslim guys to stare or harrass.. no matter what the woman is doing or dressed like.

There was a hadith in which the Prophet was with some men and a woman without hijab and a colorful dress walked past. Some of the men stared and the Prophet told them that they can't control what other people wear but to protect their own Islam. He told them it's not an excuse to stare and to control themselves.

But I do know what you mean NeverEver about sometimes not being able to keep your eyes off someone lol. I'm a girl too and it's not sexual but some things are just usually kept at home and when you see it on the street its hard not to look haha

Laila said...

I haven't heard anyone advocating mixed-sex changing rooms, thankfully.

What makes them assume men would even be happy about it? That it's just "women's insecurities"? Pffft...

NeverEver said...

Jaz: You are right about the Muslim guys, for sure. The Qur'an says to lower your gaze, not lower your gaze when you see a hijabi. Dressing this way and then being mad about it just seems like really mixed signals... they ask for the attention, then are pissed when they get it.

Laila: yeah... the whole modest=insecurity thing just really worries me. It's like you are modest, you obviously don't have anything to show. I think these people really live by the motto "if you got it, flaunt it." Or in some cases flaunt it even if you really don't got it because the actual act of "flaunting" just shows how secure you are with yourself. eck.

hannah said...

wow. what a weiiiiiiiiiiiird conversation!!! i really don't understand their idea there lol

i wonder if those women also think they should not have separate women's/men's bathrooms!!

Candice said...

That's weird. Nothing here like that. I think we accept and even appreciate having separate rooms to change in. Fear of perverts that will look into your changing room while you change. EW.

Mon Vie & Etc said...

I totally agree with what everyone said here. It's actually quite funny how some people lack even the tiniest amount of common sense. The reason why their aren't same sex changing rooms is because, i pretty sure most sane people wouldn't want to be flashing their knick knacks for the world to see. And it's always protection from perveted men who can't keep their hands and eyes to themselve. These are the same type of women who will publicly cuss a guy out for looking at her twice.

There are some crazy messed up people out there...I wonder if they hear themselve when they're talking....

Maryam said...

This is why I completely disagree with the "flaunt it if you got it" mindset. The way we are told to act and dress to attract the attention of the opposite sex; it is all a game that I don't want to play.

Also, I know it is very common to equate covering with being ashamed of your body. I completely disagree. 100%.

It's sad that women are into this mindset that showing skin measures her worth and independence.

Ok. Ok. I'm done with the lecturing :)

NeverEver, I'm really loving your posts :)

Hijab Chic said...

It's very common and very sad.

Same thing with wearing bikinis and swimsuits, if you don't go to the beach wearing a bikini people think you're not comfortable with yourself and that you're very insecure about your body.
That's just sad.

Some people have lost their sense of shame, they no longer appreciate their bodies, women are told to show off their curves and that their physical attractiveness has something to do with their value...

NeverEver said...

hannah: Lol it is weird!! I have no idea about the bathroom thing, but I live with a brother and I know how nasty guys leave bathrooms. I thank God for separate bathrooms... Lol

Candice: I know can you just imagine some nasty guy pointing his cell phone at you and snapping a photo? eckkkkkk!!

Mon Vie: You are so right, it really IS common sense. And no... I don't think they really do hear themselves. Unfortunately everyone else does though.

Maryam: Indeed and ditto to what you said. And i'm REALLLY glad you are liking them. I love getting feedback from you guys!!!!

Hijab Chic: The bikini thing is the worst. You feel like you HAVE to wear one... I love water but it makes me feel so awkward with all those naked people that I just can't stand it.

LK said...

This mindset is common where I am, super common. You must be uncomfortable with yourself if you don't want to flaunt your body. Ridiculous. I'm not comfortable flaunting myself.

Its like in colleges where everyone is pushing for co-ed dorms. I lived in a co-ed dorm. Yes the boys were on a seperate floor although a lot of American dorms now have co ed floors and bathrooms! AHH! I hated the boys being able to walk past our showers. They would wait outside them hoping to catch a glimpse. We all invested in floor length robes. The RAs did nothing to stop them. We eventually had to get a lock on the bathroom because men were coming in and harassing the women. Oh, did I mention this was a Catholic college? Yeah, thats right and the dorm was the old convent.

I want to know where women lost their self respect and when men forgot how to respect women.

Rubber said...

Like wearing a tight really low cut top then getting upset when people look.

use THE ARRIVALS to see wht they are doing to their brains
once u get into this perrversion
u spirit finishes
it is the biggest blow.

sis it is satan's mind tricks
nothing else


Is-za Jelass said...

Salam wa alaykum

My university actually had a CO-ed bathroom..eeew in one of the buildings. And I have heard of whole dorm buildings and bathrooms being co-ed for some colleges. Disturbing.

I AM insecure about have a guy intrude on my lady space. Whats wrong with not wanting to pass him peeing standing up, and I dont want him having to see me less clothed or handling feminine products or anything. Subhannallah this world is crazy.

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