Monday, March 7, 2011

Ready to Go



So I haven't been here in forever, please forgive me.

Today I want to talk about leaving.

I am soooooo ready to leave this country. I seriously just want to pack a bag and go somewhere else.

There is a mythical place in my head where wearing 'abaya isn't unusual, being Muslim isn't anathema and being born in America isn't a stigma.


\ DEM-uh-gog \ , noun;
A leader who obtains power by means of impassioned
appeals to the emotions and prejudices of the

I see my home country being over run by demagogues. I see it creeping slowly into my family. I see the distrustful looks that my aunts and uncles and cousins give me.

I find comfort in the women around me who know what it feels like, and I thank Allah for them because they keep me sane. I'm not sure if they really know just how much.

I am saddened by the thought that the people who accept me and make me feel at home are usually not my family members. That my family members who have known me since birth have suddenly found inside me their enemy.

I am ready to go.

And yet I realize that no matter where I go, I will always be different. In my hometown I will always be Muslim, always be that covered woman. If I go somewhere else I will always be that convert, always be that American woman.

I realize that no matter what, I will always face some prejudice in this life.

i AM different, alhamdulillah
i AM muslim, alhamdulillah
i AM white, alhamdulillah
i AM covered, alhamdulillah
i AM american, alhamdulillah

These are things I cannot change, things I will not change inshaAllah.

Even if I get a new home and new citizenship, I will always be "that American sister." And maybe that's okay.

And so I put it in Allah subhana wa ta'ala's hands. He is the Most Generous, He is the Most Merciful, He is the Best of Providers.

I ask Allah to help us all with our issues of disenfranchisement. To make us content with the provision he has given us and to help us find peace in this life and the next, ameeeeeen.

wa alhamdulillah 3la kul 7al


kakchik said...

Assalamualaikum dear sister. I feel like crying after reading your post. May Allah bless you with a place to call Home where you found peace in being Muslim.

lala said...

:( i feel for you... to muslims i am a foreigner, to non-muslims and now my family too i am foreign. i guess we're both in the in-between area. alhamdulilah you have found a few people who can understand you though and give you comfort. I wish i had that in my hometown... iA

.::Tuttie::. said...

May Allah swt grant hidayat to all that come in contact with you, may He make it easier for you and reward you for your patience and dawah. AMEEN

TheSisterWhoSmiles said...

I don't know if this will help you at all, and sorry if it turns out to be a waste of time... but in a way you're lucky and all this is a good thing. You're living as a stranger/traveller... and it's so much better NOT to fit in. Standing out is what we as muslims should do. True muslims stand out wherever they are. My saying is this:
'I don't want to find a place in this world, I want to get in, do my stuff, get out'...
There's a difference to finding an identity and finding a home, until you find out that your identity is your home. And your only identity which actually means anything - is being a Muslim. Is having the Eman in your heart. Once you have that, you're home.
As long as you have this belief in you, sister, then you're home. Whether this is in America, England, Saudi or Timbuktu! Your home is in your identity. And your identity is Muslim.
I Love You For The Sake Of Allah. Your post was amazing, to say the least. JazaakAllah. <3 <3
Please, keep smiling (:

Little Auntie said...

awwwwww, sis, I've been wondering how you've been. I'm sorry that you've become 'an enemy' to your own family. I guess all I can say is that to some extent 'we're all strangers' in this dunya, and we find ourselves 'different' in different places. Like since wearing the niqab, my extended family find it hard to relate to me (and think "she is such a salafi- her Islam is soo *extremist* if you get me")....So even in a crowded room of Muslims, you can feel different.

I hope you do find a place where you can 'feel at home", though...

And always matter what....To Him do you belong :D

Little Auntie said...

^ OMG, The SiswhoSmiles wrote the same time as me & its the same idea :)

Anonymous said...

"When you can not change things, you can always change the way you react to them." a quote I like to tote around

Sister, I know that hearing stories form others with similar circumstances might not make you feel better right now, but you did say you like knowing there are others like you.

I think I am a lot like you! : )
I am white (as white as they come)
I am Muslim (and will never deny or change that)
I am covered (and I do not feel ashamed, but I feel out of place)
I am American (only because I was born here, I do not belong to any one race or ethnicity. I am the melting pot)

And I am so much more! I am also a nurse, a good driver, a veteran, an athlete, a sister, a pen-pal, an auntie, a daughter, a wife, a law abiding citizen, a voter, and a friend.

My point, think about all of the things that tie you to your neighbors and community! Instead of focusing on the things that make you different (the things that you can not change) look to so much more you have to offer us!

And who knows, maybe you are where you are to bring Islam to people who would never otherwise think to look for it! Our God works in wonderful ways! : ) Cheer up dear, the grass maybe greener on the other side, but you can always start watering your grass too!

Rayyan said...

I am sending you the tightest of hugs and many kisses, sis.


I cannot fathom the amount of faith you have in Allah, SubhanAllah.

Sis, you leave me at a loss for words, truly, I don't know what to say but my heart aches for you!

As the sisters said it so beautifully that no matter whom you are or where you are, being a Muslim just stands out and very boldly as well in today’s day and age.

Being a practicing Muslim is not easy especially in your circumstances which is out of your control, but be rest assured my sister, Allah knows how and what you feel and is going through with such a high degree of perseverance that He and He alone will grant you the most beautiful and blissful life which will suite you best, Ameen Ya Rabbal Alameen.

The reward of patience is only goodness.

The reward of patience is sweet.

Whoever treats you as an outsider or a stranger and I am meaning Muslims, they seriously need to get a life!

It's understandable when your close family members react in a way, but coming from MUSLIMS, I am sorry to say that it really is a shame on them!

Allah chose you, NeverEver, so don't you think Allah will choose the best for you too?

Allah is the GREATEST and n nothing goes by Allah.

And yes you ARE different because Allah is the one who chose you to be that one UNIQUE American girl that saw the leading light to Paradise - Jannah.

NeverEver, these jerks are everywhere! It seems like in today’s time it is easier to be ''bad'' than be ''good''.

One has to pluck up more courage to speak the ''truth'' than speak a ''lie''.

This world is a sick sad place, but we as Muslims have to live here to attain Paradise.

Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said something to this effect:

''Addunya Sijnul Muslim Wa Jannatu Kaafir''


This world is a prison for a believer and a paradise for the non-believer.

Inny Uhibbuky Fillah

Your lil sis,

jana z. said...

oh sister...i read this and it hit me SO HARD and i started to cry because i KNOW, i know how you feel. i want to go home so badly and i dont even know where home is. i want to feel normal. i want to be free to be muslim without the comments and stares and newscasts denouncing islam.

may Allah grant us what is decreed for us. may we be patient and accept our fates

this post has touched me like no other. ya Allah

Rubber said...

you always get put down by people for doing or even thinking about the right thing. it makes me really sick and tired. Islam's nothing to anyone. No matter how pious and Allah fearing you are, people don't like you and it is because they mistrust the Allah that you love.

Peggy said...

Salaam sister,I am on the same page with u..ever since reverting to islam,which is about when i was 19 and Alhamdulillah I am 28 now. May Allah keep u safe and bless u..

Asiya said...

As salaamu alaykum, sister! This post was really touching mashaa Allaah and I was wondering if you got the chance to leave yet? I remember how I felt many years ago wanting desperately to leave the U.S. and live in an environment that was more conducive to me and my family and our way of life. Alhamdu lillaah Allaah made it possible and we moved to Egypt 7 years ago! It's not the best place in the world, but I love it and it's way more comfortable deen-wise than the U.S. ever was. Anyway, whatever the case may be with you, I pray that Allaah grants you ease and tranquility in your heart, wherever He places you in this world, ameen.

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna go kill me some FAGS!

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