My Daddy

Salam

Bismillah

My dad doesn't care that I am Muslim. He doesn't care that I believe in God. He doesn't care that I live a more clean life now.

All he cares is that I do not believe that Jesus is God.

For several months now, my Dad has quit talking about religion. Honestly, I was really relieved because I HATE the feeling of disappointing my daddy and I knew that my beliefs would be disappointing to him.

But today he gave me some papers he printed from the internet entitled "Is Jesus God?" and talked about those "cults" that don't believe that Jesus is God.

It gave a lot of Bible verses that supposedly explain how Jesus is God and also tried to answer some more popular arguments against the trinity (although it did in no way try to explain the trinity, why there should be a trinity, how the trinity is different than polytheism, etc.).

How do I explain to my dad that even if he could provide verses from the Bible that say Jesus is God, or can be interpreted/twisted to say that, that I will still most likely not believe them since I have so much doubt about the authenticity of the Bible in the first place?

I don't know if this will be the beginning of more conversations or arguments or what. Honestly I hope it wont be. Not because I am scared of argument or changing my mind or anything (Allah keep us on the straight path, ameen) but because I hate to see that look of disappointment when my daddy realizes he still didn't convince me.

Also on another note, my bother is becoming more and more conservative in his beliefs. Now he has decided to reject science completely since it contradicts with a literal reading of the Bible.

Ya Rabb, Ya Raheem, have mercy on our families and show them the straight path ameen.

One Year Again

As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-raheem

SubhanAllah wa Alhamdulillah today is the one year anniversary of my conversion to Islam.

I look back and marvel at what I have learned and I am appalled at what I have forgotten, subhanAllah

I look forward and realize that I am one year closer to the The Day of Judgement and wish that I had done better during this time, astaghfirullah may Allah forgive us for wasting his precious gifts intentionally and unintentionally.

I am overjoyed to be a Muslimah. Overjoyed. Overcome. Verklemmt. Gobsmacked. Exhilarated. Euphoric. Rapturous. Jubilant. Just plain tickled pink.

But most of all I am grateful. Grateful to Allah subhana wa ta'ala, grateful to my friends, my teachers, and even my family. Alhamdulillah 3la kul shay'

stressssss

salam!

bismillah

I am really really really really really really really really really really stressed out right now.

My brother, his wife and my parents are all moving into a house together. They made this decision about a week ago and are moving into the new house this weekend. I cannot live full time with my brother. It will cause problems.

SO now I have to find a place to live. More importantly I have to find a job in order to find a place to live.

Did I mention that summer has already started? Did I mention we are in a recession? Did I mention that I wear hijab?

If I can find even a part time job that pays around $800 a month, inshaAllah I will be okay.

please make du'a for me...

Marriage

Salam!

Bismillah

I'm pretty sure that my parents are counting on my religious conversion as a "phase" of my life, maybe just a "fad" or something.

They treat it as temporary which means a lot of time they don't treat it with respect.

The other day my mom was asking me "How are you going to get married?" "Who are you going to marry?" etc.

I explained to her that inshaAllah Allah will provide from where he wants and I will be patient. I don't have a muslim family looking out for the right husband for me. If my dad and brother were to pick a husband for me, he would be an American Baptist dude.

I explained that I will marry a muslim man. InshaAllah one who fears Allah and will treat me with respect and eventually love will grow.

Mom doesn't understand why I can't go out and find my own husband. She thinks I should fall in love with a man I've dated and then get married, like everyone else.

But what happens if that passion fades? What values will we have in common? What will decide between us if we have an argument on how we should direct our lives?

In Islam, these questions are answered for us, alhamdulillah. My marriage inshaAllah will have passion, but it wont be the foundation. Islam will be our foundation.

How do I make them understand? Is it just a matter of time?

WOVE, twoo wove

As-salamu alaikum ya sadiqaaty!!

My brother is getting married this weekend inshaAllah.

This is a really rough time for me since EVERYONE there will be non-muslim (except me of course) and most of them don't know that I have converted. inshaAllah khair

Please keep me in your du'a during this time... I really need and appreciate it.

InshaAllah after this weekend I will let you guys know how it goes and maybe take some photos and such.

I've got some ideas for the blog too, but things are just really crazy right now with the wedding and everything.

Anyway, hope everything is well with all you lovely ladies!

<3 NeverEver

Istikhara

Salam!

Bismillah

So I assume that you got from the last post that I prayed istikhara about a subject and it totally worked and I said I would give you guys the update so here it goes inshaAllah! :-P

So a few posts ago, I wrote about whether or not I should go back to school. I asked for advice and some of you said yay, some said nay, and most said pray! (oh wow, I totally didn't mean for it to come out like that... lol awesome)

Anyway, so I'm totally stubborn and just kept right on looking at pros and cons, pros and cons, pros and cons. There were a lot more reasons to not go to school than there were to go, but it got down to the day after classes started (i know... what a procrastinator!) and I still hadn't been able to make my final decision.

So I decided to pray istikhara FINALLY, after all of that. Which obviously I should have done right off the bat.



Anyway, I prayed and I still didn't know what to do until....

The next day my mother calls me at throws a FIT because I'm thinking of delaying graduating a semester. Also she talks about how she doesn't like my abaya and hijab and how I'm only Muslim because my friends are Muslim and I am an "adaptable" kind of person (meaning I just do whatever my friends do).

Anyway it is my job to make my mom happy as long as what she asks isn't against my religion, so I said I would keep my hijab but would sign up for 15 hours at school this semester.

She seems okay with that.

SO THEN, my job still isn't over... Almost every class at my university is FULL FULL FULL and I have only a select number of classes left until I graduate. I thought it was going to be so hard to get classes...

But subhanAllah every class I needed opened up at the exact time I needed it to be open and inshAllah I will be graduating next semester.

So when you ask Allah subhanna wa ta'ala to give you what is best for you and to make it easy for you and facilitate it for you... He will. SUBHANALLAH

Family: Part IV and V

PART IV: UNCLE C. AND AUNT E.

Uncle C. and Aunt E. are married. They live on a small farm outside of town and have a bunch of goats, chickens, ducks, geese, etc.

My uncle is retired from his work as an electrical repair dude and my Aunt E. works as a secretary I think at one of the doctor’s offices in town.

Aunt E. is a very quiet person and she made no comment on the way I dressed. I could tell she was surprised but didn’t feel as if it was her place to comment on the way that I dress.

Uncle C. didn’t recognize me, lol. When I turned around and gave him a big hug he was really surprised and then was like “oh I didn’t see you… I mean I didn’t know it was you… I mean I didn’t know you were coming” haha. Good save Uncle C… :-P

Neither of them made a big deal about the way I was dressed and treated me pretty much as usual.


PART V: UNCLE H. AND AUNT S.

Uncle H. and Aunt S. are also married. Uncle H. is my dad’s brother and Aunt S. is his second wife.

She didn’t say I word to me. I’m not even sure if she said hello, but I’m pretty sure that is how she usually treats me so no worries.

Uncle H. gave me a huge hug as per usual. I should also note that Uncle H. is the one that is most like my grandfather (who we called Papa) meaning he is the most awkward and most likely to say anything that comes to the top of his head, God bless him.

He said “NeverEver… how are you dressed??” I was going to answer, but of course he kept talking. “I don’t know what to call it… I don’t want to say it is Islamic… but what would you call it?” Of course he had to just awkwardly blurt that right out there, lol.

I looked up at him and said “Well Uncle H., I guess you could call it conservative.”

He said, “Conservative what?”

I said, “Conservative NeverEver.” Lol

That seemed to satisfy him, so then he asked me if it was because I knew some Amish people, HAHAHA. I told him that I did have a friend who was a Mennonite. He nodded his head and dropped the subject.

My family is so funny… LOL

Family: Part III

Salam!

Bismillah

PART III: MY GRANDMA

Today's installment will be concerning my dad's mother. I call her Grandma and she is in her mid-eighties mashaAllah. She doesn't see very well, but she is still mashaAllah a very sharp lady. I love her to distraction. :-D

Her story goes over two days, so I will try to differentiate the conversations.

Day One: Yesterday

When I first came inside she just hugged me and told me how much she loved me and how glad she was that I was there. It had been a long time since I had been to see her, astaghfirullah.

Later in the day she looked at me and said "Well aren't you going to take off your coat and hat?" lol I told her no, I was very comfortable thank you, and that was that.

She didn't say anything about it for the rest of the day, probably due to the fact that she couldn't really see me so well.

Day Two: Today

Today, a few hours after I got to my grandmother's house, she looked at me again and said "NeverEver, can you explain to me your costume?" LOL!!! I could tell she was trying to be polite and just didn't know what to call the way I was dressing. I asked "My costume?!?" and laughed a little.

She said to me "Yes, I can tell it is something special, but I don't know why you wear it." MashaAllah I told you she was a sharp lady.

I wore a much brighter scarf today :-) It is plaid and made of the colors in the backgroud.

Family 2 by chastain featuring Forever21

I told her that this is the way that I always dress, and how I am most comfortable dressing. I also told her that this was my way of telling the world that I respect myself and I expect them to do the same.

I assumed she had the same idea of those Bible verses as my Aunt, so I figured I would wait until I had my Bible and interpretation with me to approach the spiritual aspect of the way I dress. However, I believe that my social reasons for dressing as I do are very valid as well and she seemed to understand.

She nodded her head and once again that was that.

InshaAllah another update later!

Family: Itro and Part I

سلام!

بسمالله

I'm writing this post from a very small town in Arkansas where my extended family from my dad's side resides.

Today was the first day that this side of my family saw me in hijab and I wanted to let you all know how it went. InshaAllah this will take up a few posts, so I will just do a little at a time.

INTRO

First I should say ALHAMDULILLAH nothing really bad happened. There were a few weird questions and looks, but otherwise everyone was no more awkward than we normally are, lol.

The purpose of this visit was Christmas, as you all know that my family is Christian through and through. My goal was to introduce my family to the changes in my life without spilling the beans that I'm Muslim, as my dad still doesn't know and I'm not so sure that my extended family wouldn't try to cut all ties with me if they found out.

PART I: AUNT K. AND COUSIN S.

Two of the first people I saw on entering the house were my Aunt K. and my Cousin S. They each gave me a hug and we exchanged normal pleasantries... "It's so good go see you", "Its been too long", "How has life been going" etc. My Aunt immediately asked me why I was dressed the way I was.

I guess I should explain how I was dressed for the occasion, lol. I was wearing a white strapless dress with a denim jacket and a dusky blue patterned scarf with my ugg boots. Come on you guys... there was snow on the ground... my toes were coooold.

Family by chastain featuring Victoria's Secret

I explained to her (Aunt K.) that in the New Testament it says that women should cover their heads specifically in prayer, but it also says that we should always be praying, so I feel justified in covering my head all of the time. She seemed a bit taken aback by the way that I dressed and she also thought I was mistaken on the meaning of these verses, so I told her that I would (inshaAllah) send her the verse numbers as well as common interpretations.

After this quick conversation with my aunt, I sat down on the couch with my mom and my Cousin S. My cousin looked at me and just said "you look beautiful." *blush* mashaAllah and Alhamdulillah it was a really nice thing for my cousin to say and I'm glad to know I have her acceptance, at least of the way I dress. Cousin S. talked to my mom a little bit more after that about why I wear it. My mom said that she witnessed with her own eyes the way men treated me in public and how much more respectful they are now, alhamdulillah. It was really great to my have my mommy there as usual :-D!!


That is all for now...
InshaAllah I will do some more posts about this soon!!!

*oooo the suspense!!!*

Update!

Salam!

Bismillah

So and update for you all is in order.

1. EID MUBARAK!!!! :-D

2. FIIIIINALLY my brother knows that I converted. He totally cornered me about it, lol.

I went to visit my family over the break. I was bummed about missing the prayer and fasting and everything, but subhanAllah I wasn't able to fast or pray at that time, so it wasn't as big a deal and I didn't have to try to hide from anyone which was great! Alhamdulillah!
On the way there, my brother and I were talking in the car and he was talking and talking like usual and somehow we came upon the subject of drinking. He said that he knows Muslims that drink (astaghfirullah) and I got really upset and said "Well I'm not one of them!!!" and of course he picked up on it and said "oh, so you are Muslim now?" and I looked at him and said "yes I am." and that was that.
He said he pretty much knew before and everything because I've changed so much and he was actually really accepting. He said that if Christians practiced their faith like Muslims, that would be most ideal. I told him that becoming Muslim was the best thing I ever did as a Christian. I feel like I am FINALLLLYYYY following the teachings of Jesus (alayhi salam) and doing my best to be a good person in this world, alhamdulillah.
In the end, when we got out of the car, he gave me a big hug and kissed me on the forehead and said that we all have to take our own path. He wishes I was Christian, but recognizes that I am in Gods hands and alienating me is not going to "bring me back to the fold" so to speak. He promised that he would wait for me to be ready to talk to my dad about it, and I assume he and my mom will both be there with me when it happens, so inshaAllah everything will work out alright.

Please make du'a that my family accepts my conversion fully and that they come to see the beauty of Islam and the peace it brings to life!

Requests

Salam!

Bismillah

A sister asked me some questions, and I felt like I needed to make a post of them. the Q's are her words and the A's are mine. The C's stand for "comment" because I didn't really think it qualified as a question, lol.

Let me know if you have specific questions for me that you want me to answer, or if you can think of something you feel like reading about.

Q: sis, u know i had to ask you this question cuz it means so much to me. In the eastern Pakistani/indian culture kids treat their mothers/fathers like they are gods...astaghfirullah! ok...like we are raised up to be extremely leech like on our parents...unlike u converts...who are indepent and thinking adults... which i think is great. how did u deal with giving the emotional blow to ur parents of putting Allah first?
A: Okay so let me clarify first, I've told my mother but not my father or my brother. I haven't actually come to the part yet where I actually have to deliver a "blow." For my mom, alhamdulillah, I knew she would accept my decision and is even pleased that I'm putting God first in my life. My dad, I know will be upset. Believing that Christ is God is more important to him than putting God first in my life. For him (and a lot of Christians that I know) belief is more important than actually walking the walk. InshaAllah when I get to the point where I break the news to my dad and bro, I will let you guys know all about it.

Q: i have to deal with the mental and emotional blow of being the "unthankful and arrogant" child...for someone who grew up with the sole intention of keeping my mom happy....this is really tough...like ur relationship with ur parents...how are u dealing with "displeasing" them?
A: I take solace in the fact that I'm trying to please my creator. I know this can be hard because mothers are right there physically in your face, but be sure that Allah subhana wa ta'ala is the most merciful and has mercy on those who believe in Him. Every hardship that is shouldered with patience and belief in Allah subhana wa ta'ala is rewarded with a blessing in this life or the next, inshaAllah.

C: sis, also...all my life i thought that kids in the west are very disobedient....but now i think i know that independence is a good thing...like people in the subcontinent worships ancestral custom sis...and their parents...not Allah. like now i understand...like kids are not allowed to marry who they want...!rather, who their parents want them to marry...i think it is ridiculous.
C: I agree with this comment for sure. Even our Prophet, salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, didn't condone forcing women to marry outside of their choice if they said no, so what right can they claim on us?

Q: i think sis the way u r dealing with ur parents is amazing. like u r trusting Allah...and working and striving..and u know it is a test...and everything will be better...a lot... better..it is the way you are because of which ur parents cant like make u cower into not being muslim...like what specifically do u keep in mind...when giving Allah prefernce to ur parents???i mean like...how do u manage?
A: First of all, thank you, and alhamdulillah anything I have comes from Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Most of the time, I remember the part in the Qur'an where it talks about the disbelievers asking how were they supposed to do something different than what their fathers did? Wow this always hits me so hard... it makes my heart speed up so fast when I read this. I keep in mind that no matter what my parents think, or my friends, or my extended family thinks, I will have to stand in front of ALLAH SUBHANA WA TA'ALA alllllll ALONE and be accountable for my actions. Standing in front of him will be MILLIONS of times worse than standing in front of everyone on earth. InshaAllah if I stand in front of everyone on earth, it will be easier when I stand for Allah subhana wa ta'ala.

Q: like sis...u didnt give a damn when ur dad was pissed at u for considering islam.. i mean it is so cool. i mean u didnt care if u were the disobedient daugther.
A: Lol I definitely give a damn if my dad is pissed, but like I said above... I am accountable to ALLAH subhana wa ta'ala, and if my dad wants me to do something different than what Allah subhana wa ta'ala does... who is going to win in the long run? My dad, a man, or Allah, the supreme creator of the world and universe and everything that every did, does, or will exist?

Q: i mean it is as if they are blind or something???!!!?? i mean really like how do i deal with their emotional insanity and this slavery of me??? they act as if they are displeased gods or something???
A: This I'm not sure I can give you daily practical advice on. I would say make du'a that the veil is lifted from their eyes and hearts. Pray sincerely for them, especially when you are fasting, not just for your own sake but for theirs as well. Sometimes no matter how well you speak to them, you can't change them from the outside. Allah has to change their hearts first.

Q:i mean it is amazing. u r allaying ur mother's fears sis. it is like a role reversal. can u see?
i think it is amazing. u must be very string in ur iman, sis. u hope for rewards from Allah? and you hope your situation will soon be better?
A: again thank you and alhamdulillah. I think it is funny that you say role reversal, because this has been brought up to me a few times. My parents aren't old, but I often have had to treat them as my children. I cook for them so they don't eat candy all day, I remind them to pay bills, I teach them to cook. I think this is just the way my interaction is with them always. I think that all Muslims hope for reward from Allah sister, else we wouldn't be Muslims. InshaAllah the situation of all of the Muslims in our ummah will be better, ameen.

Finding Friendship...

Salam!

Bismillah

Growing up, I was always more comfortable around guys. I have one brother and spent all my time playing with him and the other neighborhood boys. Once I got to school, it was just a given that all of my friends there would be guys. Girls were wayyyyy too confusing for me...

As I matured, girls did not enjoy my close friendships with "their" boys and so making friends with girls was even harder.

Eventually I went to college I made more friends (some girls), mostly guys. Finally I fell in with a crowd of Muslim guys. I know you are thinking... haram... these guys should know better than to hang out with girls!!! And you are right of course, but we became friends never the less and I positively INUNDATED them with questions about Islam. So inshaAllah they will be rewarded for dawah even though I was a chick.

Okay so I started to love Islam and decided to convert. As a result, I decided to stop hanging out with these guys. I decided to stop hanging out with ALL guys unless it was unavoidable (like in classes and study groups and such). SO as a result of this result (lol) I find myself with a religion I love and no friends.

I have of course met many ladies at the masjid, but all of them are much older than me and so don't share my views or problems. I made a friend online here and we talk a lot and I love her dearly as if she were my very own (little) sister :-P However sometimes I just want to get OUT of the house, lol.

So I prayed that I would be given HALAL friends (lol) that would help me practice my deen and also keep me occupied and SUBHANALLAH I met two Albanian sisters today at the masjid and I'm going to hang out with them tomorrow. They seem to have the same kind of background and sense of humor that I do and I am SO excited to become friends, inshaAllah!!

Okay that was just my exciting news for the day as well as a smidge more background :-D
Love you girls!!!!

Salams

Salam!

Bismillah

Today I recieved my first "salam" from a stranger in my community. I had heard reverts talk about this before, but had never experienced it myself :P
I was in Wal-mart shopping for broccoli and I walked around the corner of the produce section with my mom who has flaming red hair and was wearing a fuscia top with denim shorts, lol. These two guys looked up when I came around and looked me right in the face, which is not a normal reaction to someone in hijab here in the west. They looked at me all covered and said "asalamu alaikum" and I said "wa alaikum asalam" and kept walking. One of them called after me "where are you from?" and I wanted to be like "who cares?" but I said "I'm from here." and the guy said "Oh wow, that is fantastic." haha. That was it. Nothing else happened. But still it made me feel like was part of the community you know? Cool. Although it did make me a smidge uncomfortable when he looked straight at me. I wasn't really expecting that...

Also I saw a lady from the masjid with two of her children at Hobby Lobby. Her daugher is close to my age and attends my university and her son I think is in high school. They are all from Saudi. And let me tell you, mashaAllah her son did such a great job of lowering his gaze when I said salam to his sister and mother. My mom kept an eye on him while I was greeting the ladies, lol.

Anyway, everyone should definitely give salams when they see another muslim around. It feels really cool :-D

Umm... Thanks?

Salam!

So what do you say when someone tells you that you look better in hijab than you did without? Do you say thank you? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of hijab? Should I take it back off, lol?

Ah well, I know they mean well and want to encourage me. Their intention isn't to hit on me, so I say thank you.

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!!!

Salam!!!!

I REVERTED TODAY!!!!!!!

I am officially a new Muslimah!

Prayer

As-Salamu Alaikum!

I am currently learning to pray. I've read a bunch of pamphlets/manuals/books/websites/blog posts about prayer to try to learn the best/right way. I've even watched some youtube videos. Everyone says pretty much the same thing which is good, but some people say something is required, while others say it is optional or preferred. I've put together a sheet that has everything on it that I try to unobtrusively hold while I pray to make sure that I say the right thing.

Right now I'm trying to memorize everything while still making sure the meaning is most important, so I'm reading the Arabic then saying what it means in my head in English. It takes longer, but I think it actually helps me to remember everything.

I'm using my new transliterated Qur'an as well. It is really really helpful with pronunciation of the words so that I make sure that when saying the Arabic, I'm actually saying the RIGHT Arabic. :-P

All is going well so far and, Insha'Allah will continue to go well. Please pray for me!!! :-D

A Package in the Mail!

Salam!

Today I got a transliterated copy of the Qur'an!!!! It has the Arabic, English, and the Arabic words written out in English letters for pronunciation. I'm really excited about it :-D

I'll let you know how it goes when I get into it more. Now I start memorizing! I've already learned The Opening, but I only learned it in English as that was all I had at the time.

Anyway... YAY!!!!

MaSalama ladies!

A little lost in translation

Peace! Salam!

Is it weird for me to use the Arabic terms in referring to God (Allah) and thanks and stuff because I'm not muslim yet? I really worry about misrepresenting myself in this way because I'm afraid that out of my ignorance I will do something wrong/incorrect and people will attribute it to a muslim, which I am not yet. I understand that even as a muslim I will most likely make mistakes because I am human, but I REALLY don't want to give someone the wrong impression here.

I have a lot of muslim friends and I have picked up a lot of the Islamic phrases that go along (Subhana Allah, Insha'Allah, alhamdulillah, etc.) and I think them in my head almost constantly, but I don't say them out loud often (except around my closest friends) and I don't type them here. I type out the English equivalent in most cases. Like I said before, I'm afraid of misrepresenting myself and this beautiful faith.

Am I making a big thing out of nothing? Please let me know if you think I'm being silly or if you understand what I'm saying... I'm just feeling a bit in between stages and I'm not really sure how to proceed.

Thank you and God Bless! JazakAllah Khair!

Covering

Peace!

On Friday I went to the local masjid next to my university to listen to the khutbah and see some of the ladies I have met before. I haven't converted yet, but out of respect I have always worn a headscarf when I visit the masjid starting with my first visit a few months ago.

After I left the lecture I went with a friend to Sam's Club (huge bulk grocery store) and to Best Buy and decided not to take off the scarf. It was great! Very comfortable, not scary, etc. My friend said that there were some people looking while I wasn't paying attention but I didn't care because I knew it wasn't the gross kind of staring, also the people staring were women, not men :-D

I live in a "conservative" state here. I really expected someone ignorant or just rude to do or say something, but no one did! I even got a few shy smiles and a few "excuse me ma'am"s that I never got before. The only people who really stared were from Chile and were here for a convention, so I feel pretty good about my prospects here as far as covering in the future.

Overall it was a really good experience, thanks God and I know that when I convert (God willing) I will feel a lot more comfortable about that transition. One less thing to worry about! :-D

Questions... Any answers?

Peace!

I have questions. Questions that need answers. If anyone could please answer them that would be great. If they could answer them with like... back up info, that would be even better.

1. Is being an organ donor okay with Islam?
2. What is okay to paint/draw?
3. Can I keep family photos?
4. Should I delete/throw away all of the pictures of me from before Islam?
5. Is singing/ instrument playing/ listening to music okay or bad?
6. Who is allowed to be your Islamic guardian dude? Because my parents aren't Muslim... Can my friend's dad "adopt" me? Or does it have to be someone specific?
7. For Converts: Is there anything you wish someone had told you before you converted? Or questions you wish you had asked?

Thanks for your time, I REALLY appreciate it!!